DETROIT – With National French Fry day on tap (and btw why the hell is it not on a Friday), I thought I would oil the mechanisms and grease the levers on said topic.
The best fries in Metro Detroit are at Scotty Simpson’s Fish ‘n’ Chips on Fenkell in Brightmoor. Hands down. Do not bother protesting cause I ain’t trying to hear you.
Scotty’s fries are in another league. Fried in beef tallow and not some ridiculous vegan oil or air fryer nonsense, these full-bodied slivers of potato are the stuff of dreams. Go ahead, chief — drown them in ketchup and malt vinegar and liberal doses of salt. They do not fall apart or get soggy. And as good as the fish is (insane good) I would wager the reason to go to Scotty’s (other than the fact that it has not changed since the 1900′s) is really the French fries. And the bread. And the tartar sauce. And the—
OK. Slow down, Jason. Take a breath.
Alright. Breath taken. The best fast food fries (and I do not want to hear any folderol about that one place that dumps half a sack of potatoes in your bag) is at the Hazel Park Mickey D’s at 9 Mile and 75. Hot, salty and overflowing the sleeve, they are what you crave when you visit the Golden Arches. The fact that that location also does a bang-up job on the rest of the menu is simply a bonus.
Other than all of that we all know the best fries are the crinkle cuts at any Metro Detroit bowling alley, with ketchup and lots of salt. With a cold beer. They just hit different when you are rolling strikes, the jukebox is cranking, and there’s that alley vibe in the air. Bonus if the waitress is snappy and you win the mystery pot.
And other than all of that and other, the best fries are the ones you make from scratch at home using your 1970s Fry Daddy by Presto. Using Idaho potatoes. And Crisco. Lots and lots of Crisco. Plus Accent, which is the brand name of pure MSG. And Heinz ketchup. No Hunt’s only Heinz.
Ok my job is done here.
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